Oh how I love those rock’n’roll Dixie belles as immortalized in songs like Dizzy Miss Lizzy, Long Tall Sally, Good Golly Miss Molly and not forgetting the provocatively (in Britain) named Short Fat Fanny. Also the chivalry in the States at the time, with boys carrying the girls’ books to school (couldn’t they afford satchels?) Here the lads would say: ‘Carry yer own bleedin’ books!’ and as for dressing up for High School Proms and escorting a girl, well it justÂ didn’t happen. At my college the boys all sat bored stiff round the main hall at end-of-term dances watching the girls cop off with teachers for a dance. No way would we join in.
Just imagine if rock’n’roll had started a few decades later in, say, Essex instead of the Southern States! None of this quaint over-polite Miss Ann, Miss Lucy nonsense. Song titles might have been something like: Shaggin’ Sharon Stomp, Well Fit Bird Boogie, Givin’ Tracy One Bop, Chavs Rule Innit and of course Whole Lotta Shaggin’ Goin’ On would be a certainty.
Nobody would be in the Jailhouse Rockin’, they’d all be nicked by the Old Bill or else plastered down the rub-a-dub.
Unless, of course, rock’n’roll started in the British public schools in which case song titles would beÂ absent of girls completely andÂ more sophisticated, along the lines of: Mason Minor’s Got a Rather Dishy Arse, Harrow School Hop, The Eton Boppin’ Song and I Say Chaps – Let’s Rock!
The mind is even more boggled when thinking what the titles would have been had rock’n’roll started in, say, China at the height of the Cultural Revolution. But an inkling can be got from popular songs in Mao’s China at the time. Everyone Praises The Commune’s Vegetables was a Top Ten hit according to the magazine China Reconstructs at that time, and another all-time favorite was Ten Thousand Years Of Life For Chairman Mao.
We should, perhaps, be thankful rock’n’roll started in the Deep South of America, preserving names like Skinny Minny and Miss Lucy ( who was too fat and juicy) for posterity.