The Spotless Ones

Don’t you hate them? These people who seem to actually repel dirt? We’ve all heard of ‘Teflon Tony’, a nickname for Tony Blair because he managed to wriggle out of any awkward situation unscathed. There are lots of people where mud or any whiff of scandal just never seems to stick.

But similarly, there are people who can do the muckiest jobs and never create any dirt whatsoever. I can think of many people who do cooking, for instance, yet their kitchens, stoves, etc. are absolutely spotless; you’d think you had walked into a showroom and the appliances had never been used.

Only last week I was in someone’s kitchen. She’d been all morning baking cakes, bread and cooking a meal. Not a spot anywhere. I know so many people like this, yet they don’t do anything different to me or my mother but our stoves, pans, etc. are covered in grime and dirt which won’t come off.

My mother acquired a new cooker in November, and as I do most of the cooking I made a point of always wiping the surfaces, etc. as soon as it had cooled down a bit after I’d used it. Nevertheless a few months later immovable stains have formed around the hotplates, quite impossible to remove. Similarly with new frying pans, etc. I clean them as soon as they are used, but a few weeks later they are black underneath and on the sides.

Sinks are another thing. Mine looks OK to me, but I have visitors staying, they offer to wash up, and afterwards I see a shiny sink staring up at me, it’s never looked so clean. Yet all they’ve done is run a sponge over the surface, something I do quite regularly but it never comes up like that.

Then there are the most annoying people who can wear white or light-colored clothes and never get a spot on them. I remember one guy in particular where I used to work, always looked immaculate in light colored blue jeans and white or pastel colored shirts, etc. Never a spot of dirt on them. If I wear anything light colored it has to be washed almost as soon as I put it on. With my mother it is even worse, put on clean clothes and they are visibly dirty within an hour or so.

Then there’s carpets. My mother moved into a place with light-colored fitted carpets which looked immaculate, yet the lady who lived there before her had been there for years. Within a short time of my mother moving in the carpets were, and still are, filthy – they actually look black in places in certain lights. Yet her flat is on the second floor (i.e. three floors up from the ground) and you have to walk along loads of carpeted corridors to get to it. Not a mark on any of the carpets in these communal corridors,  any dirt brought in on our feet waits till we reach her flat before it comes off on her carpet. In this flat she always walks around in socks or slippers and very rarely if ever goes out on her own (I take her in a wheelchair, which also has to come across all the communal corridors before reaching her flat). A friend offered to scrub the carpet clean one day, he spent ages and gave up – it was impossible.

There can only be one answer to this mystery of life: some people repel dirt like a reverse magnet. Dirt refuses to stick on them, anything they wear or touch. They walk thru mud and the mud just flies off their footwear before they reach their precious white carpets, grease etc. flies off their cookers and fying pans and out of their windows (which also never get dirty of course – mine never get clean, even on the occasions I try to clean them they look far worse afterwards than they did before!) Put on light-colored clothes, and all dirt is repelled instantly. If they touch anything dirty in someone else’s house, it immediately becomes clean.

The Spotless Ones remain one of the mysteries of Life – you are either born like it or you’re not. My mother and myself attract dirt, they repel it. It’s as simple, and as depressing, as that.

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